Just so that it matches the curtains.

Earlier on in this Blog contraption I have talked about my mom and brother acquiring our future home: the duck-adjacent house where the bird-lady lived. What I did not mention is this:

Mom, playing The Sims in real life, as is her way: "And once she moves out we'll do a walk through and we'll put in new washers and dryers, or maybe you can have mine since I HATE IT" (which she does) "and a new range because we want you to have a gas stove, but we've talked to our contractor and he can run a gas line if the Homeowners Associations Terms and Conditions allow" (as I hate electric ranges, as does every serious cook-- argue that point with me and I'll armwrestle you about it, they suck suck SUUUUUUCK) "and a new fridge and microwave, and it has a brand new water heater and garbage disposal, and we'll replace the toilet with a handicapped one" (this is a tradition: they are taller for my brother and they have a nifty flush on them) "and what style of furniture do you want for the living room?" She paused for breath. "Oh! And YOU get to pick out the paint color and the carpet!"

Me, doing what I always do when stunned: "Just so long as it matches the curtains." (Thank you, I call my color palette for this house Obliquely Off Color.)

Mom: "What!? We can BUY new curtains, you moron." (That's pretty much her pet name for me-- she says it without rancor and when she thinks I'm being, well, you know... I guess I'm belaboring the obvious here.)

So I'm picking colors, with Pat's help. Paint and the Art of Passive Resistance.

Me: "What colors do you like?"

Pat: "I don't know, I haven't thought about it."

Me: "Okay, so think about it. I was thinking bold colors on the walls, since we're not in an apartment for once. Like in Peru, but not colonial colors."

Pat: "I have always liked neutral colors."

Me: "I was thinking that! Browns, greens-- you know I like green-- maybe seascape blues and tans."

Pat: "I don't know, honey. Whatever you decide will be fine for me."

Me: "Let's go get color chips at Home Despot. We can use our board-and-nail zombie apocalypse money for paint and bookshelving supplies anyway."

We went to Home Despot and boy, did we get a lot of paint chips. I picked out vivid greens, browns, and blues. Pat picked out muted ones with a silvery gray undertone, which, upon reflection, will really be better for the place. I took them out and pondered them. My brother likes the ones I picked, but I'm leaning more toward Pat's, now. The next time Mom asked, I was able to tell her, "We went to Home Despot and got paint chips."

"Did you look at carpet while you were there?"

"They have carpet?!"

"YES, you moron!" (Honestly, her other name for me is Sweet Pea. I hear about ten Sweet Peas to the moron. My dad calls me Punkin. Pat calls me Ducky.) "By the way, if you're doing browns and naturals, I have two big paint cans of Swiss Coffee-- I love Swiss Coffee-- that you can use for the ceilings, because they're cottage cheese ceilings and they will need to be repainted, I imagine." (As it happens, that will work out fine.)

So the next day, we went back to ogle carpet. Snrrrk. It went like this.

Me: "What do you think of this?"

Pat: "I HATE that."

Me: "Too light? Too dark?"

Pat: "It looks like RV carpet. I hate the texture."

Me: "Ignore the frickin' texture already. I'm trying to get an idea about color."

Pat: "Maybe I don't like carpet at all."

Me, rolling eyes: "Okay, come here." Leading husband to plush carpet instead of short-pile carpet. "I like this color set-- do any of these appeal?"

Pat: "This one."

Me: "About that lightness, but not with that horrible yellow tan color, right?"

Pat: "I thought we were doing browns."

Me: "Not baby-diaper browns. What do you think of this? It's about the same shade but in a better color."

Pat: "Ugh... there's too much pink, or something, in that one."

Me: "I kind of like pink..."

And so it is settled. We need a grayish lightish mocha color without too much (baby-diaper) yellow in it and without too much (makeup foundation) pink in it... NOT tan and NOT brown, not too pale and not too grubby looking and we really don't want it too dark.

Yeesh.

I'm going back to stage one. Just so it matches the curtains.