Friday, December 28, 2007

Drama on the vegan website

Something's happened to VegWeb. Something's happened that's horrid.
A site that was placid once, now is plumb torrid.
Drama has crested, and it's slow to settle,
and it tests my patience much more than my mettle.

Now we have moderators. We have to. The trolls
Have taken to lurking on threads and on polls
Snarling at people with views other than theirs
And if they sense censorship, they start throwing chairs.

One particular oaf just mouthed off something royal.
On a thread about Christmas he proved quite disloyal
To a friend he had consoled through trials and grief*
By calling her attention whore, liar, hypocrite, and time thief.

This was after she chid him for a blistering letter
In which he parodied people who celebrate, saying no better
Were they than hunters, conquistadors, racists, swine
Who create a wake of death. He whined,

"Hark, is that a post about Christmas? What do I hear?
Why aren't you posting about slaughtered reindeer?
For two whole minutes you would like to talk about a subject
Other than kennels and hunts and Michael Vick -- I object!

I think that the post you made's stupid and crappy
Because everyone knows we don't like to be happy.
Talk about suffering, corporate greed, not how everyone in your life bought you a Thneed!
Talk about agony, anorexia, sadness! Think of the animals! Christmas is madness!

Don't talk about food! Don't talk about presents!
Don't talk about parties! Sulk in solitude, peasants!
I shall brew a response so acid and hostile that everyone will flinch...
But wait! An apostle! Another forum troll rises to join with the Grinch!

This forum was once about tofu, cookies, and carrots,
But I heard about vivisection and just couldn't bear it!
I had to tell someone about my anger and hate
And I don't like non-vegans and I couldn't wait

To shoot down the thread that spake love and good cheer
And also ... well, I'd had a couple of beers.
Once upon a time, this community was generous and caring.
We took care of that! Now it's a place for sharing

Pouting and snarls and ill will and sharp disses.
Who cares about veganizing chocolate kisses?
So it's a recipe forum? So what? Who cares?
I bet you approve of extincting brown bears!

I'll cite chapter and verse of all your past posts
Showing how everyone should love ME the most!
Only a stalker could be more complete!
C'mon, don't forgive me! C'mon, let's compete!

Why do we need moderators? Down with censorship!
If you don't like what I write, then just don't read it!
You're not politically correct enough, since you're not vegan,
So go straight to hell, you d*****bag -- oh, I've not yet begun

To fight the mods filter blocking my words. I'm losing my marbles
Because you haz changed my penis to harbls!"
Then, the jerk shut his mouth -- or the mods shut it for him.
That was good. Clearly we had begun to bore him.

Can we talk about food now? Can we talk about cheer?
Can we talk without loathing and seething and fear?
Time will tell us the answer. Until then, we tremble
And observe the fallout, and think about lentils.

*(FYI, his friend wasn't me. I'm still offended on her behalf, but she's nicer than me and forgave him... even apologized for having taken him to task. Grr. You're a better soul than I am, Di.)

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